This is not me.

I am venting.  I just have to say that I have not been feeling well lately ever since the start of the New Year.  Depression-wise.  I think I’ve got this seasonal depression funk going on.  I do not like feeling this way ~ I’d say I feel unsettled, lonely, misplaced, unorganized, generally depressed, anxious, worried, and basically there is a dark cloud of sadness hovering at any given time.


I’ve been taking my meds on time daily.  I have just been sleeping and working or watching my granddaughter a few days a week but other than that have not been eating well or exercising.  In reality, I know it’s my own fault for feeling this way.  They say the endorphins from exercising make you feel better and I’ve done nothing on that front whatsoever.  I’ve just been hiding from the world.

It feels like the year just started off hectic.  There is so much “unrest” in this country in general.  This makes my heart hurt.  I feel a huge division in the people of this country ~ and see many divisive people making it worse and worse and it makes me anxious.

My son got a new job where he is training out-of-state and within the next few weeks will be moving to another state permanently.  My son and DIL’s relationship is kind of “up in the air” and that leaves me extremely anxious.  I know my DIL and granddaughter will be staying in our area for a while but will they eventually move out-of-state as well to be with my son and when will that be?  I want them to be together and to be happy but that’s really none of my business so I stay out of it.

My daughter, God bless her sweet heart is finally in the states after being deployed to another country for 8 months.  She will be coming home for a 3 week visit in approx. a month and ½.  I cannot wait to see her but worry about her too.  She is having some medical issues that she refuses to deal with because she doesn’t want to appear “weak”.  I understand that she is an adult and it’s out of my hands but it still upsets me anyway.  She’s also in the market for a motorcycle which doesn’t thrill either her father or myself.  But, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

The hubs and I are planning our first official vacation.  It will be sometime in April and we have never traveled.  We’ve decided that we are not interested in going out of the country and have basically decided on Florida for the warmer temps and the fact that my niece lives there with her beautiful family.  Thing is, now it’s all about deciding a date, WHERE do we stay and booking airfare.  I’m sorry, but I find the whole thing extremely overwhelming and my husband just does not have the time to help in the planning process.  I’ve been searching hotels and airfare for the past 3 hours and I’m still at a dead-end.  Whatevs.

I have severe shoulder (rotator cuff?) problems and neck pain which I think is only exasperated by stress.  I am a big ball of stress.

I gotta work on getting out of this funk I’m in.  It’s not good for me or my soul.  This is not me.  This is not who I have become or who I even want to be around.  Time to plan.  Plan for more positivity, more “me time” with friends and family, and to work on a healthier lifestyle.  Time to stop HIDING and time to start living before these years fly by.

I needed to get that off my chest.



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