Why do you care?

So there I was (approx. 2 years ago), stifled with depression.  I was miserable but it showed most at my job.  I was in hostile work environment, even being bullied, in pure misery day in and day out.  I had the lead position.  I was so upset with what other people were saying about me because it wasn’t true.  It hurt to have some people spreading lies and stories about me.  The dirty looks, the cold shoulders, the straight up belligerence.  I reported it to my supervisors and even the manager to no avail.  I even had some “tweeting” about me calling me a “depression ho” and my manager said there was nothing that he could do.  He actually smirked and asked me,  “What’s the big deal?  Why do you care?”  Part of the problem was me, myself, and I.  I was NOT going to be pushed around.  Funny thing, I couldn’t stand myself but I wasn’t about to let someone else treat me badly so I stood my ground.  I figured I beat up on myself enough as it was, wasn’t going to let someone else even try that.

I cared because it felt like such a personal injustice to have others running around causing problems and dragging me into them.  Making me out to be the bad guy.  I wasn’t a bad guy, I just wanted to come in, do my job and go home.  But there was this little pack of wild ones that got off on keeping the problem alive.  So, day in and day out I was subjected to this and I did care.  It did bother me.  To the point of me losing my temper on a few occasions.  My BFF would ask me, “Why do you care what they think?” and I remember thinking, “HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE WHAT THEY THINK!??”  because somehow I thought they were making me look bad to other people and that other people would hate me too.

Here’s what I learned after suffering a major nervous break down.  The only people that matter are my husband, kids, family, pups, close friends and that. is. it.  That’s what my boss and BFF meant.  They had evolved to a place far beyond where I was (I was in tiny town with my tiny thoughts) and they meant it when they said it, “Why do you care what they think?”  Really ask yourself that question and I’ll bet it has nothing to do with the fact that a few rogue people in your office, group of friends, or even family are conspiring against you.  It has more to do with YOU.  How you feel about yourself.

I had no idea that I would EVER evolve to the point of not caring what other people think or say about me because the truth is; IF someone says something bad about me to another person and that person believes them – then I don’t want that negativity in my life anyway.  IF a person truly knows the real me, they wont believe a word these little barracudas say.  If they still choose go along with the ugliness, again, I don’t want them in my life.  It’s really that simple.  It doesn’t’ matter what other people say about me because my actions speak louder than their words.

Just keep being you and keep on truck’n.  The truth will set you free.  And your truth is that you are okay, alone or surrounded by others.  You are strong enough, confident enough, and you need to love and respect yourself enough not to bring yourself down to their level. Keep at your pace; slow and steady wins the race.  Looking back, had I only ignored them my life would have been so much better.  These days I come in, do my  job and ignore whatever is going around me that is not work related.  I have even learned to greet these same people and so have they – it goes both ways.  I’ve learned to forgive ALL that had transpired during those dark days.  When I “rose to the occasion” and fought back, I was the loser.  Now things are better.

If this post helps ONE person I would be happy.  Really ask yourself what is bothering you.  Are you part of the problem?  You say you don’t care about what others think of you but is that true?  Because if you don’t care, you don’t care- and you wont feel the need to even talk about it.  I hope you get to that place in your life where you realize WHO and what are really important and deserve your complete attention.  Most importantly, you have no control of what others say and think about you.  If you have no control, why waste your precious energy trying to change that.  People will believe what they want to.  In the end you will still be you, your wonderful self.  Nothing anyone can say will change that.

struggle

 

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5 thoughts on “Why do you care?

  1. Sweet sweet Annabelle, you cannot begin to comprehend how very much I needed this post. If you want the yucky details let me know lol. It’s hard feeling loved when you are told no one cares. I’m so thankful you’re at such a place of peace, especially after such an internal struggle. For the record…I don’t know you, but I care about you. I love that you are all I can never be. You share your thoughts, and stand by them. That’s such a wondrous and rare quality. You be you-as you would say. Because you’re pretty damn great to me💜💜

    1. I guess that nervous break down and all the years of going to therapy- it all just clicked and I truly realized WHO was important. I’m living proof that if you just ignore what other people are “up to” or “saying”, that it just fades away. It’s taking away their power and bringing yourself into control. You can SO SO SO be self-confident and sure of yourself. I hope one day you hit it, because it’s like winning the personal lotto. It’s a freedom I cannot express. Oh, I have grown to adore you BFH! I’m glad you were able to gain something from this post, if there was just one person that I helped to see that they matter the most (themselves), then my work here is done *super hero cape on*. LOL!

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