Let’s talk about the perfectionist since I have a little knowledge of this myself. I’ve heard this personality referred to as being, “A-Type” which is defined as: “A temperament characterized by excessive ambition, aggression, competitiveness, drive, impatience, need for control, focus on quantity over quality and unrealistic sense of urgency. It is commonly associated with risk of coronary disease and other stress-related ailments”.
I USE TO BE an A-Type personality and it wore me out. Having to keep my house spotless, no mess, no disorder, always doing everything “perfectly”. To do a simple task “perfectly” takes twice as long as it would just to do a normal job (i.e. cleaning the bathroom, straightening up around the house, whatever it is). It was impossible to keep up the charade because nothing in life is perfect. I realized that after I had my first son. Things were about to get messy. I had to adjust my way of thinking and let things go. I don’t know how I escaped but by the grace of God I was able to. My father (God rest his soul) was an A-Type personality to the day he died and I didn’t want to be like that. I could see him getting upset over “spilt milk” so to speak and it was just too high of a standard to live up to. After a while you become tired, depressed, stressed, and anxious. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with O.C.D. Rx and therapy helped me to learn to let go.
Not all, but some perfectionist actually believe they are perfect. They think they do everything to perfection and become disgusted with an “average job”. They get frustrated because they think they are the only ones that care to do something to the best of their ability. But, what if the other person is doing it to the best of THEIR ability? Maybe Miss. Perfect’s best friend “Sally” doesn’t need a spotless kitchen? What if Sally helps with her son’s school project and it doesn’t look like it was professionally done because she actually LET her son/daughter do the majority of said project? What if Sally doesn’t use measuring cups and spoons when she cooks but rather just eye-balls the measurements? Yes, this is a real concept; not everyone cares to be precise with EVERYTHING in life.
Perfect people rather annoy me. What? There is no such thing as a perfect person? Try telling that to the perfect person, who is a know-it-all and is never wrong. They quickly deny their mistakes, making excuses and look SO ignorant doing so. There’s even an uglier side to the perfectionist…….
They DO make mistakes because it’s human nature to flub up, realize it- remember it and try not to repeat it. Wash, rinse, and repeat. They often do outrageous things and then when someone else does the same thing- they complain about it and say (out-loud), “Can you believe SHE did that!” -OR- “Can you believe HE said that?!” SMH.
I guess I’m frustrated because recently I made a huge mistake *gasp!* I wronged someone and was immature. I wasn’t seeing the big picture. I was going through something heavy at the time when a misunderstanding transpired between us and I reacted instead of actually communicating my feelings early on. One day, I just snapped. I’m still learning how to re-do this and it’s one of those lovely life lessons. But this person said some rather hurtful things to me. She is perfect evidently. She’s never made this same mistake I have *a-hem*
she sure as hell has and a few times at that. Worst case scenario for an A-Type personality, bring up a fight they had with a former friend or how they did something wrong in the past. Oh hell no. That wont fly.
So, instead of forgiving my apology she actually said some pretty nasty things to me about my past behavior and her disgust and who she thinks I am. Does Miss. Perfect realize that people change? For the better? Funny thing is, when she was describing to me how upset she was and listed off things about me that she didn’t like, she was actually describing herself (her present day self).
What did I do? How did I react? Because I have grown and evolved I responded with love. Every time she came back with ugliness, I came at her with love. That’s all I can give at this point. I am not perfect. I am just me. I just wish the perfectionists out there would realize they are not actually perfect. The world would be a much better place. A more loving and forgiving place.
So where am I to go now? Just keep plug’n along. I feel sorry for her though because she doesn’t know what she’s missing. She’d rather hurt me back than forgive.
But for all of you “perfect people” out there – let it go, you’re not only wearing yourself out, you are wearing out other people too. Time to move forward, I will go where the love is. That’s what life is about after all.