Here I was a seemingly mentally healthy
sometimes crazy person. I had finally gotten to a place I can say I’m proud to be. Once I decided I was “good to go” on that front, (hallelujah!) I thought it might be a great idea to get my body healthy as well and was encouraged by a very dear friend of mine to start “Whole30”. It’s a book written by Melissa and Dallas Hartwig that was easily obtained off the internet and eagerly read; by myself. The bottom line is; it’s eating whole foods for 30 days while eliminating sugar, carbs, and dairy from your diet. But what was I going to eat for 30 days if you take all that good “stuff” away???!!! A LOT! Let me tell you. Fresh fruits and veggies, protein (meats, eggs), and good fats. No fake sugar either so I could just forget about my beloved diet Mountain Dew, LOL!
Could I do this? YES I COULD! I picked a “start date” of Feb. 1st 2016 and started to highlight, mark, take notes, go to a specialty grocery store with my friend to get the staple items correct. She came with and helped me for which I am ever so grateful because I had never heard of “ghee” or “coconut butter” or a few things on the list. She helped me to pick out exactly the correct cashew butter (ya have to be careful because sometimes the manufacturer sneaks sugar in there on the ingredient list).
I picked a “Start Date” 2 weeks in advance so I could prepare. I made a calendar for February where I knew I’d put a big star for each day I accomplished following through and even asked friends and family on fb to give me their favorite motivational quotes and wrote them out on post-it’s where I could display them daily on my bathroom mirror as a reminder when things seemed tough. I am so happy to say I’ve finished my first Whole30 week #1. I am doing this with my DIL who currently lives with me and together we have made some of our own yummy concoctions.
I will say this, through this process I have learned that I’m WAS NOT as mentally “square” BEFORE doing this Whole30 as I thought. Before Whole30 I pretty much ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I was totally unhealthy food wise. I would go without eating for days and then binge eat and this vicious cycle continued but I thought it was okay because I was feeling happier than I’ve ever felt before.
This has caught up with me in one short week of ridding my system of all the poison I was ingesting and my mind started to play tricks on me. I can feel the pull of sugar and cream filled sauces yanking at me; begging for some service! No, I will not give in. Because of this Whole30 I have realized that I was not mentally healthy before starting this journey. I was in fact totally unhealthy. I used food as a crutch. A BIG CRUTCH. I didn’t even realize what a huge part it was playing in my day to day happiness, and it shouldn’t. I was filling up on junk food and happy as a clam.
Know how I noticed? Because on day 7 I was ready to kill someone I was so miserable from eating whole foods. The deciding factor that I had an unhealthy relationship with food is when I had just eaten an entire meal of yummy delicious sauteed veggies and was completely “full” yet, grumpy and upset hours later. I couldn’t believe my mood swing but I wasn’t going to give into it either because my stomach was FULL. Literally, my belly was at mass capacity. So, why was I so edgy and miserable? Why did I want to bitch slap someone? Why didn’t I want to get out of bed? Because SUGAR was calling my name and I was NOT going to cheat. I will not cheat on this journey. I’ve spent a life time of yo-yo dieting and it is just that time for me to walk the straight and narrow. It’s only for 30 days. Surely I can do this. I will do this.
I see now the monster that lurks. And seriously, he can go fuck himself. I am not going to fail. I will succeed.
I think that pain, that hunger ~ simply cannot be filled up with food. It actually has nothing to do with food. Time to think of another way to satisfy it …