Nobody to share my thoughts with, so they sit up high and I’m all right with that. Like balloon filled thoughts; some beautiful, some not – floating up until I can no longer see them in the distance.
A lone cup of coffee, more thoughts of how beautiful the earth and all its natural wonders are and nobody to share that with but I’m all right with that. The trees alone swaying back and forth steal my attention – I’m happily distracted by them.
The injustices of selfish self-centered people surrounds me but I will not say a word, I just have to know that I will not succumb to it – I will watch it in silence and I have to be all right with that.
Layered earth so lovely; dirt, rock, greenery, slate, tall grasses, creeping vines, and my favorite- tree’s outstretched creating a canopy with the solitary sounds of nature coming together in a cadence of splendor and I am more than all right with that. A myriad of textures, sights, smells, and sounds which is music to my senses.
I have been trying to reconcile an ugly reality in life, in my mind ~ for months now. It has to do with friendships; or more specifically, the end of what I thought was a good one. It’s a done deal. It’s over. I feel a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and yet at the same time an unsettling feeling to watch someone drag it out and try their best to bring me down.
I have written at least 4 drafts of this post in an attempt to rid myself of this pain my heart that I’m left with as a result of our hateful parting of ways. I know I’m better off without this person and those that surround her.
I’m not passive aggressive nor am I afraid. I have no problem defending myself or those I love. Thing is, I’ve had an epiphany of sorts and I think instead of dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s – I need to remember that this is not my job. People are going to continue to talk and the people who believe the lies about me aren’t worthy of my friendship anyway.
“Friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime“
It’s not that you’re gone that has me upset. It’s the fact that you just cannot let it be. Your continual need to bring others in and stir the pot. I have to know, once and for all that I cannot control what you do and say – I can only control my reaction to your games.
And I pray to God in Heaven for the continued strength to rise above the fray and please help me to let this go. I want change. I guess in the past my way of releasing the pain was to lash out and make the truth be heard. God is watching all. I have to turn it over to him. This has always been particularly hard for me so I’m praying right now for clarity.