Writing/Blogging Challenge Day 20 ~ Childhood memories

Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

  • Playing “Cops and Robbers”, “Kick-The-Can”, “Ghost-In-The-Graveyard”, and more with ALL of the neighborhood kids in the spring, summer, and autumn. We would run around the neighborhood until all hours on the weekend and even though I was little my older siblings let me play along too.  One time, they kicked me out of the game and I was pissed off.  I went inside and to my room where I proceeded to color a picture in my closet. on the wall.  Man, did I ever get into trouble for doing that.  I often wonder if that picture is still there on that wall in the old house where I grew up.

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  • Shoe shopping with my mom when I was just a little girl and I spotted a tower of boots on display. There they were, the boots of my dreams – blue suede (plastic) cowgirl boots.  My mom let me get them!!!!  Evidently I wore them 24/7 and even slept with them on.  I flat out refused to take them off which resulted in them sticking to my legs – my mom had to peel them off of my legs and feet.  I don’t remember the last part (probably traumatic) but I do remember those blue suede cowgirl boots and I loved them so much!
  • Playing the cello and how happy it made my mom. My younger sister played the violin and my mother played the organ- we would all play together.  I had to quit because I fractured my right arm in two places when I fell off my niece’s bicycle; I had a full arm cast on.  I was so happy to be done with playing that cello but my mom was disappointed.  To me, it was the “perfect excuse” to stop playing but now I regret it as an adult and miss playing.

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Here is the list I’m working off of for this writing/blogging challenge if you would like to participate:

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Writing/Blogging Challenge Day 19 ~ Where I want to live

If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

I believe at this stage in my life I would like to settle down in Florida.  I love the fact that you’re close to the ocean and it’s warm all year ’round.  I also have a niece that lives there but I wouldn’t be able to move as long as my mother is still here with us.  She is 86 years young and I could never leave her; the place where she lives is only 15 minutes away from my home.  I’d miss her too much.

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Here is the list I’ve been working off of if you care to join in:

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Wedgie Brain

Have you ever had so much on your mind that it feels like a pair of bunched up undies up there?  It’s like I have a permanent wedgie in my brain.  Ouch!  Yeah, that’s how I’m feeling.  I feel also like my hormones have gone wild and are whizzing around my body like a free-for-all.  I do not like this feeling.

It takes A LOT to upset me and I think it only happens when someone is outright mean.  Mean spirited.  That pissed me off to no end.  This has happened to me the day before yesterday and it’s still sitting in my craw.  It’s like I cannot let it go and yet I know holding on is the wrong thing to do.  FORGIVENESS.  I preach that all the time and it’s hard for myself at times.  The darkness creeps in and I want to hold on for a while.  No, I must let it go.  Even though this person was rude to me, I have to be the bigger person.

Was there any validity in her rant toward me?  Perhaps a nugget of truth but sometimes it’s all in the delivery.  Sending me a shitty text cutting me down was not the right way to go about it.  It only served to hurt me and make me mad.  My daughter pointed out that even though she was rude and the texting was uncalled for ~ to try to see her message for what it is and not to take it personally.

Really?  Really.  Ok, so I’ll cut through the crap and see it for the brief message that it was really about.  Can I work harder?  Yes.  Can I try harder to follow through on my commitments?  Yes.  Can I forgive the way she spoke to me?  Yes.  Can I still think it’s shitty?  Yes.  Can’t I?  Oh please, can’t I just hold on to this for a little longer?  LOL.

Sincerely,

Wedgie Brain,

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Difficult Times

I’ve been going through a difficult time lately with regards to a family member.  It’s hard.  It’s hard when someone butts into something that is none of their business and it makes everything worse.  Here I was, unaware that there even was a problem when this big mouth butts in and makes a huge problem between my mother and myself.  I received THE rudest fb message out of the blue.

My mother is the sweetest person on this planet.  My sister states she is speaking on behalf of my mother which I do not believe.  Ya know what I’m tired of?  I’m tired of crusty old ragga’muffins being RUDE and disrespectful but other people make excuses for them by saying, “Oh, that’s just the way they are”.  No.  Not good enough.  You can get your point across without personally attacking someone else.  I felt attacked and I felt hurt.  I also became rather angry.  Part of me just wants to say, “Screw the whole thing!” but then that would hurt my mom.  It’s a shame that my sister lives with my mom because by punishing my sister, I’m also hurting my mother and I will not do that.

I just wish that people would learn to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business sometimes. My mom is perfectly capable of speaking for herself.  And, if she can’t – that’s just the passive aggressive behavior that I cannot deal with.  I’m here, talk to me.  I’m human just like everyone else and I have feelings.  I am doing the best that I can and nobody knows what I go though on a daily basis.  We should all be kind to one another because we never know what someone else is dealing with.

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Writing/Blogging Challenge Day 18 ~ Forgiveness

What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

Probably the hardest thing I’ve had to forgive is an apology that I never got.  I had a falling out a few years ago and it seems the other person feels as if they did no wrong.  Literally, as if she had no “malicious intentions” toward me in our rift – but does that mean that because you didn’t have malicious intentions, you are off the hook?  People do bad things all the time without malicious intentions, they hurt others regardless because we are all human.  I’ve had to live with it and I’ve had to learn to forgive her and be the bigger person and learn to let it go.  I’ve forgiven her and her way of thinking.  That’s all I can do.

Forgiveness isn’t about being right, or hurting someone because they hurt you first.  Forgiveness is given to free yourself from bitterness and hatred.  It’s hard to forgive but we have to remember that Jesus forgives us our sins and if we expect to have eternal life surely we must be willing to do the same for others.  I know I’m not perfect and I’ve done my share of hurting others, who would I be to NOT forgive someone else?

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Here’s the list I’m working off of if you wish to join in on this writing challenge:

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Writing/Blogging Challenge Day 17 ~ What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

That’s simple.  Art.  While I love to draw, it doesn’t come easily to me, I truly have to work hard at it.  I wish I were like my SIL Sue, where she seems to have the artistic midas touch- everything she touches turns into something beautiful.  She can work easily with all mediums.

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I’m not saying that I’m “no good” at art, it just doesn’t come easily.

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I love to draw birds for some reason; probably because they are such beautiful creatures.

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I just wish it came more naturally and easier:)

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Here’s the list I’m working off of if you care to join in on the writing challenge:

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Writing/Blogging Challenge Day 16 ~ Greatest accomplishments?

What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

  1. Marrying my best friend and the love of my life.  I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

2.  My 3 beautiful children; David, Alexis, and Zachary.  I also count as my children my DIL (who is and always will be considered my real daughter) A and my beloved granddaughter A.

3.  Raising STRONG independent children who are contributing members of society; two who serve in the military.  One is out and one still serving.  The other is working his buns off and showing that a “kid” can run with the big boys.  I’m so proud of my kids and the grown people they have become.

4. Working through my depression and acute anxiety.  I have come such a long way from the days of not leaving my house for years.  I actually take road trips on my own now and have stepped out of my comfort zone.  It helps to see a physician regularly and to be on the right Rx’s.

5. The close knit bond I’ve formed with family and friends; bonds that will be here for my lifetime.  I’m so proud of the people that I hang around with and only bring goodness to my life.  No matter what happens, I’m surrounded by a good solid crowd of folks that I genuinely care for as if they were my family.

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Here is the list I’m working off of if you care to join in on this writing challenge:

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Matters of the ♥

I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed but when it comes to matters of the heart I’m wise beyond my years.  I wonder why that is?  I think it’s because I’ve overcome so many hardships in my life and I never want to see anyone suffer the way that I have.  When I see someone down or they come to me for advice I’m always there to lend and ear and let them know what I think.  My cause is to build that person up and make them feel better, to make them realize just how beautiful and special they are.

I’ve been down, I’ve been confused, and I’ve also been blessed with good people in my life that were there to mentor me.  These blessed people are in my life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.  The reason was to lift me up when I had no direction but they never “told” me what to do, they just showed me the way by leading by example.  The season was perfect timing because I needed to see the examples and apply them to my own life which worked wonders.  The lifetime is just that, friends that I will cherish for my lifetime.  I thank them for being there for me when I needed to make sense of the riot going on in my head.

I know what it’s like to be picked on, to be left out, to be ignored, and to be “not forgiven”.  I know what it’s like to be abandon and I know the pain it caused me was immense.  I never want anyone to feel that way and maybe that’s why I am constantly there to rally for the underdog.

I’ve learned something key along the way in my life.  That nobody owes me a darn thing.  That I only have myself to count on for my own happiness.  I can choose to be happy.  It is a choice and one that I make daily.  I have faced the demons of my past, I’ve looked them right in the face and bitch slapped them into a new dimension.  I survived.  I am a survivor.  I attribute this to the good friends and their lead examples of humanity.  They raised me up when I was down and brought me some peace.  It was a culmination of all that good advice and leadership that taught me “how to be” over the years and I could feel myself evolving along the way.  How to be more self-confident, knowledgeable of the fact that I do belong, I do count, and I do matter.  They taught me that I am a child of God and that I’m special in his eyes, he made me different and unique.

I took my uniqueness and ran away from the crowd that was bringing me down.  I ran like the wind and disassociated myself with anyone negative in an effort to free myself.  I took accountability for the hurt and pain that I myself have caused.  I’ve made amends. I have forgiven myself and learned most importantly to forgive those that have hurt me.  I still cannot stand by and watch someone else in pain.  I’m always here for those in need.  I know what it feels like, I genuinely know that gut-wrenching pain of feeling worthless, or feeling so stuck under there is no way up.

How sad is it that it has taken me a lifetime to figure all of this out?  On the flip-side, many go their whole lives and never put it together so I’m grateful that even though it took a long time for the light to go on, at least it did.  It’s shining through me everyday and I’m growing and evolving every day.  Do I have set-backs?  Yes, I do.  Usually once a month when I get a visit from Aunt Flow (when I get my period) and I back-slide into oblivion where it takes a few days for me to come out of it.  I’m still grateful that I am able to pull myself out of it.

There was a time when I felt bad most of the time and only good a few times a month.  Now that’s reversed.  So, if I can be there to point out what’s obvious to me about someone else- something positive, I’m going to do it every chance I get.  I believe that love is what makes this world go around and I’m all about helping people see the bigger picture.

For those of you struggling with your self-esteem, self-worth, depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, and more- I’ve been there.  I still am there but there are a few things you should know.  That you are important.  You do matter.  You are not alone.  You are loved and cherished.  God made you special and unique; don’t change that for anyone.  You are a beautiful human being going through something that not many can understand, but there are those out there who do understand exactly what you are going through.  You are just as worthy as the next guy.  You may not see your beauty right now, but it’s there- and you are just as equal as anyone else.  You count.  People only see what you appear to be, they cannot see your hurt crippled feelings so don’t let them deter you from trying to live a normal life because you deserve it just as much as anyone else.  Do not be afraid to seek professional help, it’s there for a reason and has done wonders for me.  It’s a safe place where you can vent and get coping techniques that truly do work.  Read self-help books and become educated.  Knowledge is power.

I am on meds, and I will be for the rest of my life for the debilitating mental health struggles that I face on a daily basis, but there is hope.  The right Rx, the right Dr., and the right therapist can work wonders.  Surrounding yourself with only excellent, positive people will put you on the right path to recovery.  Recently I urged someone I love very much to get professional help and in only 2 months her progress has been immense.  I’m so proud of her and all that she has faced but she’s coming along and on the right road to recovery.  Facing and letting go of the past is especially difficult and I was able to overcome that by seeking help.  My memory was so bad I actually believed that I had early onset Alzheimer’s disease.  Turns out it is caused by my PTSD.  Now knowing what I’m dealing with was 1/2 the battle.  I’m able to remember things much better, my short term memory has improved dramatically and I’m hopeful.

God is good.  God doesn’t expect you to be perfect, he expects you to be you- in all your uniqueness.  God is gentle and kind, he forgives all as long as you believe in him and are truly sorry for your transgressions.  He is perfect.  We are not.  I like to think of Him on one side of a diving line, and humans on the other.  He is perfect, all he asks is that we try to live in his likeness and be more like him.  Sometimes things happen that are not our fault and we feel guilt and shame.  God knows it was not your fault and he loves you.  He forgives you and wants to see you do better.  God made you as a gift, to love yourself is showing him the utmost respect and gratitude for his gift.  Be grateful and be thankful that you are here.  Life is good and you will get there if you keep working at it.  If you ever feel alone, please do not feel ashamed to reach out for help- it’s always there.

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Writing/Blogging Challenge Day 15 ~ Animal?

If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

Believe it or not I’d be a puppy dog- and preferably one of my own, LOL.  I want their life.  I want to be loved and cherished and just accountable for some loves and cuddles.  They go on regular walks, socialize with other dogs, get fed regularly, get treaties, and most of all they get plenty of love and lots of sleepy time cuddles.

I’m always happy to see my pups, and love to give them baths – they are spoiled.  I love them with all my ♥ and soul and think of them as my family.  So, if I had to be any animal, it would be, to be ONE of my own dogs.

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Here is the list I’m working off of if you care to join in on the writing challenge:

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Writing/Blogging Challenge Day 14 ~ 5 Strengths

Describe 5 strengths you have:

  1. I am extremely smart when it comes to matters of the heart; I can lift anyone up and make them laugh.  I feel like I give good advice when it comes to matters of the ♥.
  2. I put my family first; I love them with all my might.  They are what is most important to me in this life, and it shows.
  3. I am a great friend to have.  I love hard and am overprotective of my Peeps.  I have probably 10 best friends and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them.  I’m always just a shout, a text, or a phone call away.  I’d drop what I was doing to help a friend in need.
  4. Laughter.  They say laughter is the best medicine.  I can make people look at the stupid side of things and get them to laugh; especially in a tense situation.
  5. I can take charge in an emergency situation.

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Here is the list I’m working off of if you care to join in the fun:

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